Then he said, "love. I love you". When I asked him "what do you want?", I meant for later. For what he wanna do after, if he needs me to walk him back to his room or whatever. But that was his answer. And it haunts me.
Ofcourse, nothing was remembered the morning after. Everything was back to normal and everyone functions just fine. I wanna talk about the things that happened, the words I recall. But I would just appear like I was making things up because I'm the only one who remembers. And it felt so bad.
Months past and the moment was categorically forgotten as the memories that were made after deny what was said. I tried to relive that night by implying thoughts over and over. But no one can ever relate; he acted so cool. And I was a fool.
My greatest hang up was not ever responding. I regret not telling him somehow. "But I love you more." And now I'm nothing but bitter.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Epiphany
There are weird things. There are unacceptable things that make me feel weird about illogical matters. There's this guy and he bothers me.
There's this guy, I wouldn't say a friend but we were quite inseparable for a time when it required us to be, and I am now so bitter about him. For a month now, I have been regretting everything we did together and the moments we shared. I thought I didn't know why. But then, just now, I realized the reason. He's the only guy I imagined myself getting married with. Several times I had dreamed of actualizing my life-long fantasy with him. Walking down the aisle, delivering adlib weddings vows and all. And so mamy times I convinced myself it was as it should be. So weird considering that we really don't have any sort of personal relationship.
So weird thinking that I secretly despise him for having different beliefs on love and on forever; curse him for belittling my wedding goals. He was not even the guy who would care about any of my sentiments. He was not even the kind of person I would want to care about me at all.
He was not even the one I was seriously obsessed with for the last year. I never even gave a thought about whatever we are to each other. I never really thought of him at all. But I saw myself marrying him someday. Something I never thought I would do with anyone I ever loved--considering that it IS the end goal. He stole my childhood and the life ahead of me.
He stole my heart without me even knowing and I'm still hurting.
There's this guy, I wouldn't say a friend but we were quite inseparable for a time when it required us to be, and I am now so bitter about him. For a month now, I have been regretting everything we did together and the moments we shared. I thought I didn't know why. But then, just now, I realized the reason. He's the only guy I imagined myself getting married with. Several times I had dreamed of actualizing my life-long fantasy with him. Walking down the aisle, delivering adlib weddings vows and all. And so mamy times I convinced myself it was as it should be. So weird considering that we really don't have any sort of personal relationship.
So weird thinking that I secretly despise him for having different beliefs on love and on forever; curse him for belittling my wedding goals. He was not even the guy who would care about any of my sentiments. He was not even the kind of person I would want to care about me at all.
He was not even the one I was seriously obsessed with for the last year. I never even gave a thought about whatever we are to each other. I never really thought of him at all. But I saw myself marrying him someday. Something I never thought I would do with anyone I ever loved--considering that it IS the end goal. He stole my childhood and the life ahead of me.
He stole my heart without me even knowing and I'm still hurting.
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